My life is a wall of events stacked high and stretched wide. It looks far more impressive than it really is, because you're staring at the whole thing, and not the cracked blocks that make up my now. It's like the little stoner dudes I overhead at the beach one day:
"Look at all that water."
"I know! And that's just the top of it!"
"Dude! That's deep!"
"I know! It is! It's the ocean."
They'd have gone on like this for hours, but I walked over and kicked sand in their bong. It was the only humane thing to do. Still I think about my wall and Billy Bongwater and I see the similarities. It's a big wall, but you're only seeing the surface. You don't know all the cracks I have to fill in with time-killing mortar. There are days where I don't have a brick to place, and it's all just some quick Adobe Acrobat mud I've glossed over to make you think I'm busy.
Yesterday I joined a new Bible study at my church. I do a men's group--ok rephrase. I attend a men's group (shesh! You pervs!)--a couple of Tuesdays a month. I decided it's time to dip my foot in the co-ed pool. This isn't a singles group, it's just a small group, mostly couples, looking for something in the middle of the week.
It will conflict with my writers group, but since this group meets weekly, They can lose a little Rob love a few times a month. Rob love is best spread lightly. They'll understand and thank me later--once they get to know me.
So last night was my first night. It was a pretty good group. There was homemade banana bread, and that pretty much made me a believer. Oh, and it was frosted! I dropped to my knees and lapped the plate. Yeah, I was the last one to get any bread.
"What did you say about Jesus? I'll tell you what, you guys go ahead and continue with the study, I'll be over here in the corner sleeping off my sugar coma…"
There was something else about the group. I'm the only divorcee. Everybody else is either newly married with fresh young babies, or is engaged in a pre-marital relationship. I am the black cloud rumbling in their skies.
"Have some more bread Rob, maybe it'll sweeten you up."
"Yeah, cheer up Rob. You'll find love someday!"
GRRRR!
"don't get your arms or legs close to his face. I think he's rabid with icing."
Last night we were discussing the Beatitudes. You know, "Blessed are the ____, for they___." It's sort of a Biblical Match Game. It's one of the few Sunday school question's whose answer isn't "Jesus."
"Robby, name the beatitudes."
"JESUS!"
"No."
"You mean Jesus isn't the answer?"
"I didn't say that."
"So I'm right?"
"No Robby. Am I going to have to have the talk with your parents again?"
"You're divorcing me?"
"Robby, go sit in the hall."
Ask any of my teachers or MyUnwife, I spent a lot of time in the hall.
In this class I'm supposed to share how I relate to the qualities given in the Beatitudes. I'm given a hand out as soon as I sit down, and everybody's sharing. I'm pretty good on a few of them, merciful-check, mourn-check, persecution-Big check! "I come from a long line of martyrs!" They said that wasn't what it meant. Damn! I always get that one wrong.
I didn't sit high on the "meek" scale. Then again, I thought that the people who said they did, should probably recheck their answer. Something about bragging about how meek you are…I dunno.
There's one guy sitting across from me. We're rating these qualities 1-4, he's giving himself a 4 on every one. What the hell?
"Perry, how are you at being a peacemaker?"
"Oh, I'm a 4. My family always comes to me. Strangers on the street come to me in droves asking for my help in their problems, and I always--"
"ARRRGGHHH! Peacemake this, bitch!" I can't take it. I'm leaping across the table. My hands wrap around Perry's throat. I'm shaking and repeating.
"Rob, you're out of turn. This is going to give you a 1 on the peacemaking skills."
"Rob? Rob?"
"Wha?" Oh, I'm still sitting in my chair. I was having a sugar fantasy. Perry is still unscathed and adjusting his halo. "Yeah, I'm a 4 on the peacemaker thing too."
There's a cough from somebody who doesn't believe me. I think it's the woman I talked to about my divorce. I'll get her at recess.
Overall, I did pretty good though. I was fairly friendly, and somewhat sharing, and I went the whole night without getting sent out to the hall. I'll be back next week. I think it's just one more brick for my wall.
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