"I'm the boy they can't ignore…"-The Replacements

The swelling has gone down. No, not the swelling in my head; that's still inflated to 250psi. My ankle! It looks kind of like the other one except it's all black and blue. There's still a little plumping, but it no longer looks like a foot sausage.

I gotta say, I was most disappointed to open my newspaper this morning and see nothing of the tragic incident. I even swung my foot out the window for traffic choppers to spotlight. I think I got a mosquito to stake an interest but that was it. When the snail slimed up my sole I gave up and pulled my foot from the ledge.

"911 what's your emergency?"

"My ankle."

"Excuse me?"

"It's my ankle."

"is it missing?"

"No."

"Threatening you with a knife?"

"no?"

"Set your house on fire?"

"No."

"Ok, then I'm going to have to ask you to put down the phone and suck it up, pussy."

So that didn't go too well either. I thanked MyUnwife for playing "911 operator and the emergency stripper" one last time and I hung up. It just wasn't the same without all the stripping. Maybe next time I'll work the stripping back in with a real 911 operator.

There wasn't even a twisted blurb on YouTube. TMZ was too busy with Lindsey Lohan flipping over a globule of cellulite in her thigh. They let me know she's doing fine now. She was administered a liter of Absolut with a Chambord kicker and rushed to intensive care. Me? Nothing! It's as if the world doesn't care about my pain!

Say it ain't so, Joe!

I tried Googling it, but couldn't find anything until I typed "yawn" into the search engine. WTF? I mean the kid who sang "Dream On" on American Idol? He got 3 pages and an "Opinion" column. "Dream On?" Irony isn't dead; God's just hiding it from the blind. Keep on dreaming little buddy. See how far that gets you. Paris has a better chance of winning an Oscar.

Dream until your dream comes true…You'll be a well rested man indeed...

Yeah, dreaming didn't work that well for me either. Bitterness seems to be helping though. I can work with that. The bitterness is all honest. The dreaming, it's all bait and switch. Read the brochure. Oh, it talks all about "Dreaming" but not even a cursory paragraph on "Doing."

Dreaming may cause feelings of apathy, lack of concern for others and delusions of grandeur. In rare cases, it can lead to "doing," which may cause profuse sweating and loss of breath. If "doing" persists more than five minutes, seek a physician's care immediately.

You may say I'm A dreamer...

All I'm doing today is my Day job. I sit behind the desk of my home office, listen to music and type. Today I'll probably soak my foot for a bit too. I might move the planter box I use to soak though. I've noticed that it's under my desk, right next to the great wall of surge protectors. Now I know they protect against surges and all, but it says nothing about water emersion. It seems more interested in protecting the equipment and less concerned about protecting the grounding agent, ie. ME!

ZZZT!

Less interested in protecting me, huh. I'm getting a lot of that lately. Between the surge protector and the newspaper, I'm beginning to feel unloved.

I went out to the lawn and shouted my battle cry. As usual, the local moms gathered their kids like chicks and ushered them inside. See? The kids get love and protection. What's a guy gotta do?

With my ankle like this, I can't even run to Billy Blanks. He won't talk to me when I can't do the moves. Even the Tae Bo Dominatrix legion laughs at me. The pregnant woman in the back row? Yeah, She laughs too, even called me a pussy.

So It's time to step away from the dreaming and start the doing. There's work to be done. It's sit down work today. Later this week I'll work back into full function Rob this week. If I could only get a little love and that Absolut IV...