Some days.
We all have them. Divorced, married, single, dead, it doesn't matter. Some days have "Gonna Suck" indelibly red inked in their calendar box and all the White Out in the world won't change that. Yesterday was one of those days.
I'm not sure why. It all started promising. I woke up. My coffee maker worked. These are both good signs, and predict a day of promise. Yeah, I know. After the divorce, I had to roll the "rate-a-day-o-meter" way back. At first it was "did I roll out of bed?" That was a party day!
As time passes, I'm able to raise my standards just a bit. Yesterday didn't hit the bar.
I think it started while I was running late. I know, what's different from any other day, Rob? It's true. I'm perpetually late. Still something about yesterday's late bothered me. I still haven't put a finger on it.
Last night was writers' group night. Our last meeting this month. Maybe that's it. This is a 5 Week month, so my social calendar has a 3 week hiatus. I need more social stuff. I asked my magic 8 ball last night, and it disagreed:
"Sources say no."
Yeah, let me tell you what I think of your sources...
Yeah, my face was shaven but my attitude was bristly. Walking into Barnes I held the door for a woman going out. In gratitude, she stopped to look at the sale kiosk. I'm waiting to go in. I'm polite. I'm holding a door. I'm late. She's considering a last ditch effort to sell her Shrooms with a View. Obviously a baby boomer!
I remained polite as she decided against the book and ambled out the door. She didn't thank me, but I was ok with that too. I did the whole thing for her service, and that's what she expected. I probably should have offered to pull her car up too.
So I go in, get back to our meeting place and the table is full. There are 13 people, it looks like the Last Supper and I don't even get the Jesus seat. I'm somewhere down by St. Fido the obedient.
We've got 6 new people tonight and it's chaos before I even show up. I bring the chaos! Don't they know that by now? If there's a crisis, it's me! Me! Me! They don't know that. Their already broken into 3 conversational factions. The new people are discussing an article in the newspaper. The teenage girls are discussing teenage lunch and the teenage rituals surrounding that. Then there's the clique at the end quoting Adam Sandler movies. If these are the groups the Democrats are trying to unite, no wonder they're having trouble picking a candidate. All I want to do get them to concentrate long enough to praise my work.
I do feel for you Hillary...
I need to be the voice of reason? Can the evening get worse? The good news is, it didn't. It stayed the same. I was the grumpy dwarf all night. See I could tell you about the other petty crap. About how things just never clicked, and the group didn't come together the way it should, and that I doubt the new people will return because everything wasn't just right. All of which are true, but it really isn't more than perspective.
See, I don't know if I subscribe to the whole we create or own reality thing. I've been trying to do that for years, and I still don't have a silky maned unicorn, princess lure. I don't have anything to work with but the curly mained ass God gave me, and my ass doesn't talk. Ok, so there's a joke here, but I'm trying to be serious for a moment. I'm not going to make it.
You can't make me; I'm Grumpy, damnit!
And that's the thing about perspective. Once we're locked on to how things are going to be, we stick to it like a Velcro toupee, and we're noticeably as ugly too. How do we shake a bad mood once it's set on—especially when there are always things like a divorce logs to throw on the fire?
Me, I try to shake it off and start the new day. Today is better. Today I'm going to try to be happy if it kills MyUnwife. Oh…I don't suppose that was the happy side talking, but I'm trying.
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