Last night I had "The Talk." Yeah, I know what you're saying. "Rob, MyUnwife moved out over 6 months ago, you should have had 'The Talk' a long time ago."
To you, my sharp-tack whip-smart reader, I say "Yea! You are wise beyond your means, and in this case are very correct." I should have already had that talk. In fact, I did already have that talk. 361 days ago, give or take a minute or two. Oh, and I need to compensate for daylight savings time. I'll get back to you on those calculations. But yeah, I had that talk.
This was a new talk, and this talk didn't include MyUnwife. That's right, she wasn't invited. What's more, I don't think she'd have come if she were invited. This was a state of the union she would have wanted no part of.
Last night I leaned into the mirror and addressed my biggest fan. "Rob," I said, "we need to talk."
Last night I must have been in a good mood, because I was unusually accommodating to myself, "Yes Rob," I said back, "what do we need to talk about."
"We have a problem."
"You mean you have a problem don't you." I was already getting defensive. "I'm totally OK with everything."
"I think that's the problem Rob," I said, staring into my eyes, "you just aren't following through with the responsibility around here."
"What are you saying?" I could tell I was a little panicked. I put my hand to my mirror hand for assurance. This was something we needed to go through--together--if we were going to make it.
"Rob…"
"Yes Rob."
"We need to clean the bathroom."
Sigh. "I know." I began to cry. "I've known for a long time."
"It's OK. I think we can work through this."
"The tub-scum will try to tear us apart."
"I know, but if we're strong, and believe that together we're Rob. We can clear this up."
Now I hear a collective "EWWWW!" coming through my monitor. Let me assure you. This isn't the first time we've had this talk. It's one that we have quite often. Maybe not as frequently as we should, but I believe that good communication keeps us together. That's why I don't mind when I yell at me for leaving the toilet seat down. It's this kind of communication that keeps us strong. I read somewhere last month that couples that argue stay together more often than couples who don't. I argue with myself all the time. I should be fine.
Tonight I may need to have another talk though. I need to talk about seeing other people. I really need to get out more often.
2 comments:
I know all about this kind of conversation and I fear I may have one with me later this evening (and I just got 2 fresh netflix dvd's too!)
I googled part of the lyrics to the song by the Bird and the Bee which you have on your blog here, so that's how I came upon this verbal back and forth concerning your unsightly bathtub ring.
2 netflix movies? So that's why you looked up the lyric: You've got trained pigs selling movie passes! Very resourceful!
And it's ok to have these conversations while you sit and watch a movie with yourself. Hold your hand during the scary parts. It's comforting. It's fine. Just so long as you don't tell yourself how the movie ends. I've walked out on myself for that before! ;)
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