"Eh-whoah?"
"Yes, I have a collect call for Robert Boyd From MyUnwife. Do you accept the charges?"
"uh sure."
Click.
"Pookie? Uh…why are you calling?"
"Hi, Honey, I'm calling from Bora-Bora. Thanks for taking the call. It's beautiful here. Hey, I just wanted to let you know that I don't feel happy anymore, and—One second—Yes, one more whisky sour, but less ice and don't skimp on the whiskey this time. It's the first word in the drink name, I think you can pay it a little respect. Put it in the glass. Thank you. Oh, sorry honey, as I was saying, I think I need a divorce."
"Uh, ok. Why?"
"What? Oh, gotta go, the towel boy is here. Hel-lo sugar!"
Click.
And before the next ring I hear is a lawyer with a cease and desist, let me state the obvious: THAT IS NOT HOW IT HAPPENED. It's a complete fabrication to make a point. Sort of like an allegory, but without all the relevant metaphor. I forgot the literary term for that. I think it's called something like "fiction."
Unlike most posts though, I do have a point here. It's about another post somebody else made. Some other guy was asking for advice. I'm a helpful guy. I'm always willing to give my advice, so I read the post. It was a guy asking for absolution. He wanted to tell his wife "I want a divorce, " but he wanted to pass this uncomfortable information along by "phone/note." and yes, those quotes are his quote. He wasn't even sure he wanted to phone.
"Dear Deirdre, it is with deepest regrets I leave you this note. Funny coincidence about the word 'leaving'…"
Wha?
I reread, "phone/note." Now I suppose this is better than the people looking to "Surprise divorce" their mate. And it is better than the Saudi guy who divorced his wife via text message. "I divorce You." it read. The last I heard, the court was upholding his decree. I bet his wife had a text message or two to send on that subject.
As for me, I say Please! Step up, be a man. Say it in person. And I say that to more than you dear reader, I said it to him. I left him a note. It wasn't bad, it just read, "Man up." Ok, it said more, because we all know Rob can't write 2 words where 1,000 will do. If I wanted to do that, I'd show you a picture instead. I swear though, my note said nothing worse than "man up."
Today I checked the post. I'm opinionated about other peoples opinion of my opinion. (yeah work through the circle logic. You'll get there.) Somebody else had replied. Somebody who's advice I always agree with and respect. Except now. Now she's somebody who is horribly wrong, and has been banished from my Christmas list forever (yeah, Swiss Colony is crying their eyes out). She said the phone thing was ok. In fact, she said, she'd experienced it herself. Ok. That just sucks. Group hug. From what I know, this person is really cool and deserved better. That's no reason for her to tell this guy it was ok. Still, get Swiss Colony back on the phone, she's getting processed Rob cheese this year.
Ok, one thing I'll always respect about MyUnwife is that she always told me what was bothering her. Yeah, I know some people call that being a bitch. I don't. I think the difference is all in the approach. The fact is that I'm a guy, and guys are simple creatures. Oh we pretend to be complex, and some of us even create blogs pretending that we're more than we really are, but when it comes to life at home, we've barely evolved past communicating with rocks.
Clack-clack "He says! Ow! I've crushed my foot with a rock."
Tell us what you want. We suck at guessing. MyUnwife knew that, and whenever she needed something, she told me.
"…I want a divorce." probably the hardest request to make, but I respect her all the more for making it. And for making it in person. I will never agree with it, but it was what was on her heart, and she told me. That's my job as a husband. I signed up to listen to the good and bad. This just happened to fall on the unpleasant side of the scale. Still, she respected me enough to tell me to my face. I'm sure she'd prepared herself for any reaction from crying jags to bitter jabs. I don't know where my reaction fell on her scale. She'd know me for 10 years, it probably should have hit the mark. There were other things too. Things MyUnwife should have talked to me about before. Things that might have stopped this before it happened. Those are other topics for other days.
The point today is, in this instance, she did the right thing, and if I ever marry again, I want to find a woman who respects me enough to do the same. I don't mean divorce me. That would be kinda stupid huh? But no, I want her to talk to me. I know too many people who hold it in until it's too late. These are the same people who'd phone in a divorce.
"Dearest Rob, As you can tell by garbage sack in the driveway, you're moving out. Toodles and Best wishes, Gertrude."
And maybe I'm a coward. I mean I am posting this here, rather than on his site. I just felt this was more of a venting issue. I vent here. I did appreciate though how he thanked the person who agreed with him, and said nothing to me. Maybe he's preparing an "I hate you," Post-It for voicing my disagreement. I hope not, he needs to save his Post-Its for his soon to be ex.
I mean, what do you think? I know, I never ask that, but don't pass out on me. I'm far from being an expert on divorce: I've only had one. Tell me, am I wrong? I could be wrong. It has happened once or twice. Post me, let me know how you feel.
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