"Mathias was later beheaded."
Hee hee hee!
Yeah, that's today's cast of characters. The first voice is the deacon at my church. Say "Hi deacon." He's friendly, but he can't say "hi" back now; he's giving the children's message. The second is Kelly Green. She and her husband are sitting in the pew behind me. She's convulsing into her husbands arm-pit. She's laughing. Maybe she's sobbing, but I hear a snort too. Either way, when they leave her husband's dress shirt is gonna look like a sweat gland waterfall. It's ok, he's a good husband. He'll say it was all him and splash some baby slobber on the other side to balance the look. Like I said: a good human-being.
"Do you know what cannibals eat? They eat human flesh."
I glance back at Kelly. Maybe she's eating her husband. No, he's still got the pasty embarrassed smile. What a cute couple. They give me warm fuzzies. The deacon is still warming up the kids with fuzzy stories of dead apostles. His fatherly German accent makes the story very Grimm. I think the children might rather hear a fairy tale if given the choice. At least Hansel and Gretel had a sweet end. And let's face it, roast witch is pretty good, so long as you leave it in to cook all day. You do need to baste her once after 3 hours. It's the gingerbread glaze that makes all the difference.
Maybe that's what the Deacon's cannibals used. That's why Mathias went there to share the gospel. They obviously had good taste, they just needed some new meat. Mathias went there to give it to them.
Now as the deacon progresses into the story I'm still thinking about the old fairy tales. How do we know that some of those old tales aren't based on tufts of truth. I mean, without those stories, how would we know that all stepmothers are wicked? There were a lot of wicked step-mothers, yet the fathers never divorced; they were frequently widowed though.
Interesting…
Wouldn't all the "widowing" from those days raise a red flag to the local CSI team? I mean even Cold Case: Enchanted Forest patrol could put this together without talking to the local citizenry or consulting a talking goose. Squalor dad always outlives the step-mom too, and the kids live happily ever after.
Not so for the real apostles. The deacon is making sure the our kids know this
"…were all murdered and died painful deaths, except for James, who died of natural causes."
Hee hee hee
Yeah I know, I'm thinking the same thing: next time we play 12 apostles, I know who I want to be!
See, the deacon is a really nice guy. He's a great historian. I'm sure everything he says is accurate, he's just not a storyteller. That's ok, we can't all be everything. See my divorce. See my dad's divorce. See today's service. It's about choosing a new pastor after the last one left. They've themed the pastor issue around the story of Matthias who was chosen to replace Judas Iscariot.
After Judas "divorced" the apostles and hung himself, the remaining 11 needed to bring in a step-apostle to help with all God's children the church was adopting. And yeah, the deacon has already spoiled the fate of yet another step-parent. He was beheaded. So maybe it is like the fairy tales, but not all step parents end up that way.
That's why I'm not sure why the deacon ran with this part of the story, other than to amuse Kelly Green. See The important thing of Mathias' story is the choosing. The group prayed over it for days, and then drew lots. For you and me, drawing lots like picking a name from a hat. The amazing thing about this cap was that there were two names in it. Everyone pulled out "Mathias" After prayer, God has spoken. I'm sure brother Justus (the other hat lot) was disappointed at first, but looks back at that missed marriage as a dodged bullet. Not all step children are enthusiastic. Yeah, I think we can all identify with Justus.
Why can't the deacon talk about the choosing? It's practically a magic hat story. Kid's love magic hats, much more than they like the tragic fates of step parents. See, when I was a kid my dad and mom divorced. It's pretty much a taboo subject in our family, much like the Apocrypha. Maybe it's more like how the other apostles didn't talk about Judas after he left. I mean, I suppose I could ask Dad, but I respect him. I wouldn't want to take him there. The important thing is the choosing. He's since remarried, and they've been together over 30 years without a tragic beheading or an accidental widowing. I think that makes them happy.
It makes me happy too. I like that. I need that. If for no other reason than because I may put my hand in the lot cap again. It's all in the choosing. Even if the first try turned out like Judas, I have hope that this time will come out like Mom. This is my prayer.
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