"Even after you're gone …"-Jewel

"I know he's a sonofabitch, but how do you feel?"

That's right, today we're covering the newest breed of divorce in the "get-out!" shop window. See it wag it's happy tail? That's because it's the closest thing to friendly that you'll see this side of 2 lawyers and a 1 independent mediator. It's also the hippest thing since glow-in-the-dark "Flush me" fish.

Pet your new divorce. It's pretty. Iit's shiny. It's gonna cost you. Oh, it's not as bad as a purebred, but this mutt is still store-bought, and you'll pay more than you would watching your neighbor dog jump the fence just to jump your dog.

This is the collaborative divorce. It even has a special breed of lawyers and all kinds of independent "experts" to consult on everything from financial assets to children's rights. That's right. Come one come all. Watch your lawyers work together; an act only predicted by apocalyptic scholars.

You like the sofa? He needs the TV? Cool! No stains. No static. It's all good! Step right up shake hands and you both can get what you want.

Just sign here, here, and here.

You both want the old Chevy sitting on a cinder block pedestal in the back yard? Not a problem, that's why the lawyers are here! Oh sure, only one of you is not going to get the car, but if it's really important you can probably shake out the fuzzy dice you dearly love. All it takes is a little compromise.

"Roll over!"

That's why we bring in the collaborative lawyers. Don't trust lawyers? That's why there are boutique expert add-ons as well. Hell! We'll even throw in an espresso bar and a box of Kleenex. Look at the sweet face! Who couldn't love this divorce?

See that's the great part about the collaborative divorce. You're walking into a room where everybody knows that you're self-absorbed, and it's ok, cuz so is the person you're divorcing, and nobody's going to tell you it's all in your head! There are a gaggle of experts to squawk you through this. That's the thing that makes this easier than the friendly divorce. That and you don't have to pretend to be nice. Want to plant an ax in his forehead? Give the ax to your lawyer. They'll make sure he trades you something for it.

Sure, you do have to be willing to compromise, but you can lean back and "LALALALALALA" out the other person as they speak. Let your lawyer do your talking for you.

What's more, Collaborative lawyers love you for your money and your mind. This is as touchy-feely as a divorce gets. Sitting across the table makes the whole thing very therapeutic, driving the healing process along. It's a little bit like a loveable Labrador meets a determined Terrier. Throw a tantrum and watch them fetch it!

Collaborative is the best of both worlds. You have someone to speak for you, but it doesn't cost as much as a traditional divorce, because it's all sorted out before you go to court. There's somebody there to work through your assets and tell you what's a fair split. You can even call in an expert on children and custody to help decide what's best for the kids. What's more, if you have children, the collaborative divorce is a great exercise to teach you about getting along in front of them. Not bad, especially since it's something you're going to have to do for the kids anyway.

"Play dead!"

Here's the deal: collaborative divorce is the way to go if you're not out for blood, but just want out. Even if it's still too difficult to deal with your partner, you can lean on your lawyer. It's simpler than the friendly divorce, and less cutthroat than the traditional divorce. If you think you can compromise just a little longer, maybe this dog will hunt.