Sometimes my life feels adrift. Maybe that's why I'm a creature of habit: When water is glass and sails are lead, I have something to do. It beats staring over the rail at my distant reflection.
Extended reflection is bad; viewing becomes an intoxicating love or loathe session. Routine is the cop keeping me in line.
"Step away from the mirror, slowly."
"But he's gorgeous, bro."
"Don't make me tase you."
"Don't tas—" no, I can't say it. I have too much pride. I need to be able to look in the mirror sometimes.
So back to routine. It's my cop. It keeps me in line. Today's the day I swab the decks of the good ship Rob. Sorry, I should go ahead and drop the boat metaphor now, huh? I always wanted to be a pirate as a kid. Then, in my early 20's, I wanted to run a pirate radio. When I was married, I dressed up…nevermind, you get the idea.
Arrrgggh! Prepare to be boarded by Dread Pirate Robby!
Didn't you always want to be a pirate? I did. I saw the Errol Flynn movies. I did the Walt Disney ride. What else was there? Rickets? Confined spaces? Bad hygiene? Oh…can I be a land pirate? See, that's when the reality of the reflection kicks in. If I'd have just swabbed the decks like a good boy, I'd have been fine.
Because even living out the coolest dream has it's down time. We need the routine to break that up. When I was the fast-action fast food server at Jack-in-the-Box #169 I still had to take time to clean the shake machine. You're never too glamorous to shine the shake machine. That's what my boss always told me. My boss never shined the shake machine. She was never glamorous.
But that's back when I was adventurous. Now I'm just a guy writing out his life. Still, I need routine. Today, is clean the house day. Today is pay the bills day. Today is buy the groceries day. Man, today is a suck the joy day. You know what every routine needs? Distraction! And me? I'm just the guy to create it. Or if nothing else, fall for it. Maybe that's why I need pirates. Despite their unnatural parrot-love, they're kinda fun. And like my pirates, I take time to have fun on my routine day. I take time to work on my next fiction project before buying groceries. If it doesn't rain, I'll do that tonight.
And it's also the night I usually run into my grocery clerk buddy. Oh, don't put any extra thought into that statement. It's nothing. She's more routine than distraction, but she is the one person I run into on a regular basis. She has a routine too. And what's really cool, is her routine requires that she stand and listen to my distraction: so long as I have groceries for her to ring up. I can get behind any routine that makes people listen to me! Maybe that's why I got married! Yeah, that never worked out as planned.
"Why is it I have to wear the gag again?"
"It's part of the distraction, Dread Pirate Robby."
"Oh! Oka-mmmf."
So the buying groceries routine includes the talking to the clerk routine. Who says all routines have to be bad? If I can talk to her, rather than swabbing the deck one more time, I'm all for it.
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