"Reaching as I fall…"-Red

"…means amplify. Amplify means to make better."

Wha?

Rewind, rewind, rewind…

"Amplify means to make better."

Really? Now I'm crawling back to my office. Sweat and stink billowing from my body. My T-shirt and shorts have absorbed all they can; little rivulets forge new territory down my arms and legs; motion casting sprays like cascading rapids. I need a dictionary. I also need a shower, but I have priorities.

Billy Blanks says amplify means "make better." I say he's wrong. I just won't say it loud, He's a lot bigger than I am. What's more he's got the TAEBO army running maneuvers behind him all the time. There's this little squad leader, Shelly I think, She looks like she's ex-military but still begging to break me into bite sized morsels at the command of her fearless leader.

"Sir! Yes Sir!"

Yikes! I'm just a sweaty girly-man splitting chest hairs over the meaning of amplify. They've broken my spirit, broken my spine, and barely broken a sweat. I'm clinging to life as all body moisture packs up and leaves for more stagnant bodies. I need water and I need retribution. According to Socratic method, if I can disqualify one thing Billy says, I can disqualify it all. I like that. My lungs like that too. Right now they'd really just settle for breath. Please sir, if we might just have a mote of oxygen, just till tomorrow, we'd be most grateful.

Ok this is a stupid argument. I mean what does it matter what "amplify" means? I'm an audio freak. In my world "amplify" just means to increase or make louder. I think of arguments with MyUnwife. If amplify meant "make better" would amping up our arguments made the relationship better? It would have made them louder. The same? I know I've argued with several people who think so. Even Emeril wants you to kick it up a notch. I tried that once

"Just once I'd like to walk into the bathroom and not find a puddle of water outside the shower!"

"I'll try, but the shower is on the other end of the room from the towels."

"Is it too much to ask-"

"BAM!"

"What the hell?"

"BAM! I win!"

"Whatever."

And see? First person to utter "Whatever" is the loser. That's what I learned from our arguments. "Whatever" or any word you can't say in front of your 5 year old niece means "I quit!" Arguing is never about being better, or rational; it's all about amplifying and being right, and right is the last person standing. We all know, might makes right.

So here I slump, in my office, dripping bookmarks into an open dictionary. Webster's says I'm right. I'm alone in my victory. "Woo Hoo! I'm right!" I hear the gasping echo bounce off the walls. My lungs beg me not to speak again. At least until they feel less like hairy raisins.

According to Webster, To amplify means "make larger or stronger." Is that better? Looking at the vast fortress of emptiness around me, I think not. I drag my blind corpse out to tell the Blanks' corps what I think.

Pulling myself up the entertainment center, I rest both palms on the TV screen. Lips inches from the screen I mouth,

"You…

breathe

"are..

breathe

"wrong..

Breathe

"I.."

Breathe

"Won't..."

Breathe

"do..."

Breathe

"this."

The glistening goliath only smiles back at me and says, "I can't make you do it, you have to want to make it better."

"Whatever."