A blog. An open window into somebody's life. The reader plays voyeur to whatever show the writer "unknowingly" reveals. But what if the blogger has nothing to reveal? Who peeps into an open curtain to watch a guy in red and white sweats toss a matching hacky-sack against the ceiling?
I'm telling you, now that the holiday rush has drawn to a close, my life is boring. Even the computer monitor habits of this North American male are barely glimpse worthy. Here look:
See, I told you. Thanks for looking though. It makes me feel important, and maybe a little dirty. Yeah, I know, it doesn't take much these days. I don't even have premium cable channels. I saw somebody kiss through Saran Wrap the other night and thought, "how hot!" I need a life.
Not that I really had one while I was married. MyUnwife will be the first to attest to that. The rugged captain of travel and adventure I was not. Yeah, the guy in the window, the one trying to knock Gumby from his speaker-top perch with the previously mentioned hacky-sack? That's the same guy she married. I wowed her with my inability to hit a florescent green posable figurine from 3 feet with a leather bound sack of beans.
"That man's a provider!"
Hang on, I need to retrieve my ball. Here, you looking? I'll shake my butt as I bend over to pick it up. It's ok. the burning and watering eyes thing? That goes away after a bit. Go Google Jake Gyllenhaal. That's what worked for MyUnwife.
Still, I don't think I ever misrepresented myself in my marriage. Sure we all have traits and flaws we hide behind the curtain, but I always gave MyUnwife the ability to draw the curtain back, even before we were married. It was important that she know what she was buying.
"Here, check the teeth…"
Sure, it appears that she got more than she wanted, but is it my fault she didn't look? When we stare through the window, we see what we want to, and that's not always what's really staring right back at us. I know that MyUnwife feels I misrepresented myself in some areas. I disagree. I disclosed my flaws, hairy butt and all--Your eyes, they're watering again. Oh, sorry…
If anything I flung my flaws like a monkey flings his poop. I wanted her to know. I wanted her to be sure. And to her credit she did the same thing. I knew who I married. Yeah, I didn't see the "divorce" thing coming, but I think I get a pass on that. Call it "Hopeless Optimism, " or just poo that missed it's mark. Or Rob in this case. Sorry, bad joke, I couldn't help it. It's who I am.
The thing about divorce is it's not only the person looking in who feels like they've just received a mail order package from the back of a comic book. The window dressing object is left going, "Am I really as worthless as the X-ray glasses? It takes time to rebuild the self esteem, throw back the curtain and say, "look at me world!" I'm there now; I may not be exciting, but look at me! Your eyes again? I gotta tell ya, you're not doing much for my esteem. Still, thanks for looking.
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