Tink, tink tink..."Warriors, come out and play-ay!" Without movies like that, I'd have never learned anything useful. "Can you dig it?"
Yeah, I can. I never know when I'm gonna have to fend off guys in baseball uniforms and clown makeup, boppers. Now that I've seen The Warriors, I can. I can also wander through the boroughs of New York, spotting indigenous gang members. If they're ones I know, I can converse using trendy 1970's lingo. I'm part of the family. Still, for some crazy reason MyUnwife only took one trip to New York with me. I don't get it.
Movies also taught me to stand up my fallen fence. I think I know why I'm picking it up after every new storm too. The techniques I've learned for leaning barricades only work against psycho killers and zombies. They are not the same structures I'd use against forceful weather. For that, I kneed to go back and watch Twister again. Zombie movies never have wind. Some have rain, but it's always coming straight down, and usually leads to the zombie infestation to begin with. My fence won't work against sheeting rain either. It's just best to stay inside on those cold, cold wet days.
That's ok. I'm waiting on my home owners insurance people to give me money so I can eliminate my fence problem. I think that's the reason you never see insurance appraisers in the movies: It takes them more than two hours to get out a claim. Yeah, and I think after that bit-o'-humor, it'll be a bit longer. I may see a zombie revival before I see the fence change.
Maybe that's why my marriage went awry: zombies. No, don't be stupid, I mean movies. I watched the wrong movies, and I gotta blame somebody. I learned that from Paul Reiser's character in Aliens. I also learned, in marriage, The Highlander is pretty much useless.
"There can be only one." Yup. I got that. I'm here. Now what?
What movie offers me a reasonable divorce? Better yet, what movie offers me a good marriage template? They either fade into the sunset assumption of "happily ever after, " or they're stark light on couples in conflict. Who got the warm fuzzies watching War of the Roses? Certainly not the family pets. It is the reason MyUnwife and I maintain the "Friendly divorce" approach. We both took notes during that training film, and now we scare each other.
"I see dead people."
Ghost. That was fine, but he had to die to keep that marriage alive. I said "death do us part," not "I'll be lurking in your closet after my body turns to worm housing." Now we're back to the horror movies.
Maybe it's time to strike it on my own. Leave what I've learned behind and forge a path for myself. The early pioneers did it. So did Mowgli, the mancub. Better yet, I could be the next Tyler Durden! I could revolt against the structured DVD norms society has fenced around me. MyUnwife always said I looked like Brad Pitt. Ok, that's a lie. She did mention her Uncle Brad though, and that's close. That's close enough for 2008, now that I've left 2007's undead behind.
0 comments:
Post a Comment