I read an article today. I was supposed to be walking, but it rained. So I read. I think MyUnwife and my Dad both might agree. It rains a lot when there are things I don't want to do outdoors.
"Rob, why didn't you weed today like I asked?"
"It rained."
"The grounds dry now."
"I was anticipating lots of rain. You said you wanted me to think ahead, Dad. I did."
"Are you thinking ahead to this weekend?"
"Yeah...why?"
"Because you'll be spending it here. Weeding."
That's my dad. MyUnwife didn't punish me that way. She found better ways. Nevermind those, I'm all about giving "good ideas." Let's go back to the article I read, before I get in trouble. Oh, and for the record, I like my monthly walk. I haven't done it since before the holiday though. I was looking forward to this one.
A Canadian therapist—the article, not my walk, keep up. Her husband had left her one night over dinner. It was like, he sat down, ate and said, "Tasty dinner. Oh, and speaking of blackened fishy things, I want a divorce. Pass the salt, please." Ok, that's not a direct quote, but it was like that: no red flags, no warning signs nothing. "Sudden Wife Abandonment," that's what she called it. I'd have used other names, but okay, these ones were printable. Go on…
In order to work through her anger and issues of "Why?" she started a website. There, she studied the lab rats who wrote in. There, she discovered that she wasn't alone; many women went through the same thing. Now she calls her research the "Sudden Wife Abandonment Project." Yeah, SWAP. She hides her bitterness well.
Don't get me wrong, she has every reason to be bitter. Honestly, I think if your spouse drops a divorce tornado in your world without at least one Klaxon of warning, then yeah, you deserve at least one WTF moment. I mean it, take one. Go ahead, I'll wait. Go out into the yard and hurl your question to the sky. "WTF?" It isn't right.
You back? Feel better, yeah sorry, I didn't promise that. On the other hand, your neighbors are now asking the same question you just asked.
According to the article, the woman said that there were 2 things all the husbands had in common: lame excuses and other women. She said that husbands had left for reasons like the incompatibility of Aquarians and Capricorns.
Wha? Then it hit me. Maybe that had something to do with my divorce. I mean, MyUnwife had a hyphen in her last name. I did not. That space between her last name and mine. That's where she drew the line. Ok, bad joke. What are you going to do? Divorce me? At least I know that's not why she left me, I'd been telling those since the day we met. There was plenty of warning there.
The other thing that men do, apparently, is plan a safety net. A lap to leap, so to speak. Since I've had lots of time to read since MyUnwife left, I read another article. This one talked about Women abandoning husbands suddenly. According to that research, married women don't tend to leap into other laps. They leap to freedom.
It's an equal rights side affect. Women expect more from their husbands now than they had before. Suddenly "Good provider" wasn't enough. Now Men had to be a "good soulmate" too. What the heck is that? You want us to listen and be attentive? A lifelong companion? We bought you dogs to do that!
Ok, I'm kidding. Please stop it with the voodoo dolls! I chafe. I don't know, I'm still working out the rules of my divorce. Mine wasn't sudden; she gave me reasons. They weren't what I would consider good reasons. Oh I'll give her better than "Capricorns vs. Aquarians," but what does it matter? Even if it weren't, I have to live with them. At least I wasn't blindsided. Oh, I wasn't expecting a divorce. That was a bit of a "huh..." moment, but I was neither blissful nor ignorant. We weren't happy. I just thought there was still time to pull in a work crew and pave things over.
I guess it was raining that day. I dunno. I'm not bitter though, I'm good with that now. We both have new roads to walk, and I think we both can see what's ahead of us. As far as I can see, it looks clear.
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