"oh the apparition…"-Jellyfish

"Nothing will happen to you, I'm here." In horror movie land that's an incantation for death. You might as well nibble her ear and whisper, "hey baby, you're gonna die." Don't try it, it's never a great come-on with dates. Don't ask me how I know; I don't want to lie.

Yeah, according to the movies I've watched lately, sex and bravado are death's catnip. If you want to see the closing credits from the outside of a meat locker or a grue belly you better rate a 9 on the "girl next door" scale, and at least a 6 on the "Box of rocks scale of sharpness." If you're a guy, so long as you stand a firm 4 to 6 on the "nerd to jock" scale and sport an killer smile you should be fine.

I mean you could just obey the instructions. You know, a ghost warns you to leave, why not go start the car and, well, leave? It does makes for a short movie, and we all know the one smart person has to be run over by the town's pack of raging idiots. Still we always hope...

"Hey boss, the villagers would like to have a word with you. They've brought a bouquet of burning torches…"

Marriage and divorce are the same way. Happy couple goes to remote cabin, girding boy assures coy girl everything will be just fine. To make sure he can keep his word, but take her chastity, he invites some friends for that Evil Forces to gnosh on before gnashing at the libido driven couple.

"Uh Rob, do you think we should be fooling around on the bloody altar?"

"I do."

That's when the lightening crashes and everything changes.

Oh don't start calling me a cynic just yet. Sometimes things change for the better. I've seen it happen. Sometimes the first zombie converts can be productive members of the shambling society. Living life happily ever after as the undead.

"Here Susan, I brought you a piece of Bob."

"oh his soul! You really do care!"

"Of course, I already gave you my heart didn't I…"

Maybe Bob didn't fare too well, but he should never have tried breaking the spell should he? It's best to leave couples alone. Never step in the middle. Just put the keys in the ignition and drive. Drive Bob Drive!

My role didn't do so well in MyUnwife's film. My best works died under the razor of her editing room floor. I'm now a scary cameo.

Boo!

It's ok, It's her film, I made what I could of the part. How she projects that is up to her. I was disappointed at first, but I have my own movie to produce. Right now I'm just a ghost haunting a house. If a ghost haunts a house and no one's home is it really a haunting?

Yeah, my film is a little light on plot and dark on sentiment at the moment. Sort of one of those end of the world metaphor movies from the 70's. I am casting though, if you fit the mold I'll let you play. Yeah, I know, I'm not going to catch anything with a line like that. It's like the evil ghost trying to lure the pretty maiden with spooky whispers and waving vegetation. Hey! I've seen that work. There's hope for this ghost yet!

WHOOOOO!

HOOOOO!