So a friend emailed me yesterday. Dear Rob… Blah, blah, blah. Ok, that's not polite; let me fill in a blah or 2. I'll paraphrase. I don't have his permission to quote. I know that hasn't stopped me before, but I've known this guy forever, and he's not only a writer, but he's also a divorce POW. He takes plagiarism personally, then gets this nasty tick and offers me a crusty watch that he's kept in a safe place for me. A place on his person where his ex-wife wouldn't look. I wouldn't look. I don't want the watch. So this is roughly what he said:
Dear great and wise Rob,
I have come seeking knowledge which only your vast experience can reveal. I am alone in my sad pathetic world. If it weren't for your friendship, I don't know how I'd go on. Unfortunately, as great and glorious as you are, I know that you can't be all places at all times. How do I find other people like you? They must congregate in groups. Better yet, where do they hide their women folk?
He goes on, but most of it's just really nice stuff about me. I don't want to sound like I'm bragging.
How do I find other people…
I read it again. The question winked at me. I don't know that! If I knew that would I spend my Saturday home blogging? I could cruise Costco for hot chicks. They're there ya know. They hang out at the outdoor vender peddling pizza.
Hey big boy…
I haven't replied to my friend yet. I don't know the answer. Is it better to seem aloof because I'm hoarding great wisdom or to write my friend and admit I know nothing.
Yeah, right.
So I've deleted his name from my email registry.
Now his question is sitting on the top of my throat like a popcorn hull. It's there and I can't get at it. How do you meet people like me? I'm gonna need to know this myself. Especially if I ever want to meet somebody special. Rob-like women are hard to find. So how do you go about it?
Some people should start by understanding what they like. I'm way past that. I like me. Problem solved. What's next?
Well, looking fore people who share my interest. Is there a Rob fan club that meets locally? How do I find out? One way is to check with your local community centers and churches. The all have some sort of bulletin board or bulletin greeter willing to share what's going on.
"Hi Pastor Dave, When's your next Rob meeting?"
"Excuse me?"
"Rob meeting. You know, where all the Rob's meet?"
"You're from the LA congregation aren't you…"
Another option is to look online. There are sites that act as bulletin boards for people who can't master thumbtacks. Site's like Meetup.com are great resources. Type in your interests, your zip code and they'll tell you where and when these people meet closest to you.
My friend did bring up a good point though. He suggested that his problem with most groups, especially with divorce groups, is that he's just interested in mingling and getting to know other like people, and yeah, possibly date. The groups he's had experience with fall into 2 catagories: lemons or lint.
The lemons are sour. They meet with folding chair vendettas and relay every bitter experience without anything sweet to share outside the pink box of day old donuts in the back next to the stainless coffee vat. We all need a place to vent, especially at first, but after the initial jitters we need something more substantial than coffee and donuts. We'd like something real and warming.
Lint is just one brownie badge past Lemon. They're past hating everybody, but now they realize they need somebody to cling on to. It's hard to get past a first lint meeting without somebody humping your leg and begging for your hand in marriage. And although some people pay extra in Las Vegas for this kind of treatment, It's not what I'm looking for in a group.
There should be a group that’s like the "We're comfortable being Rob, come be Rob with us." The people who are happy with themselves and their lives and just want to share their joie de Rob with other Robs.
My friend can't find one of these. That sucks. I still don't know what to tell him. I haven't found one for me either, but whenever I get stuck, like this, I just ask "What would Rob do?" and the answer drops out of my head as if I were Rob.
Look! A brain-dropping!
Amazing.
Rob would tell my friend this: If you can't find one, start one. No matter how unique we want to believe we are, our tastes are not like fingerprints. There are other people that share them. So if we want to meet others, we stop by our pastor/community center/thumbtack-challenged-website and proclaim our interests.
Right now, do this with me. Run out to your front lawn. Together we'll scream, "I'm in love with Rob!" Wait five minutes. If nothing happens go inside. Tomorrow, do the same thing. One day, you'll go outside, scream, and somebody will appear.
"I’m in love with Rob!"
"You know what? Me too."
Now you've got yourself a group.
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