I am a child of the digital communication age. Here look, I've even got an Ethernet cable running to my bellybutton. A true innie. It tickles a little, but even SPAM is nourishing, and I'm always fed.
I wasn't always swinging from the modem lifeline. When I was married, MyUnwife was my connection to the real world. She cut the cord though, and I floated in space like a tethered astronaut. Call me Buzz. It just sounds cool.
Ok, don't call me Buzz, it'll only confuse me. With Screen names, real names, and logins, I'm having trouble remembering who I really am. Better just call me Sybil. That's what the call me at—nevermind.
See, but that proves I not only have personalities online, but I have friends online too. The one nice thing about computer friends is that I can work and chat without even swiveling my chair. Real world friends require that I go to real world environments. You know, restaurants, parks, Mom's basement—I'm sorry the last one should read "Baktar's Dungeon!" I think I've just lost my standing D&D invitation. Oh well, I'm too busy to attend that one too.
I start my day in front of a monitor, and I end it in the same place. 
I'm not making Myspace ready for babes, I'm working. When I'm not seeding the blogworld with fools gold, I'm researching songs for my day job. Do you realize I actually have to schedule in my Monthly walk?
Roberators are standing by...
My latest "crisis" is I need to fill my grill tank. I'm out of propane. I was supposed to do that last Friday, but it got bumped. I've been too busy to leave the house for 30 minutes. I'm penciling it in for tomorrow.
Here's the sad part. I have nightmares that somebody will show up at my door with a pillowcase and an armload of bungee cables. They'll tie me up at gunpoint, throw the case over my head and hold me for ransom until I go to Disneyland and submit to the fun mouse. Yet at the same time, I fantasize about the day that the same deviant will show up at my door, drag me out the garage and force me to clean it at gunpoint. What's up with that?
So I sit in my chair and multitask. I brush up my Bluetooth and IM skills while I work. Don't get me wrong, I'm really grateful for the friends I have. No matter what connection we have, they're always an electronic handshake away.
This leads me to my latest dilemma. Because I care about my friends, I always try to accommodate them. I appreciate them, and it's good to have them in my little world. They've replaced MyUnwife as my lifeline, so I try to treat them appropriately.
"Hi Rob."
It's a woman from my writers' group. She calls me to pitch ideas or just chat. This is our social interaction. We don't hang out or anything. Once again, if it can't be done on a headset, I'm too busy. I think in her case that's as much an excuse as anything else. Talking on the phone is fine but we're socially incompatible.
I think a play date for us would be like
a trip to the Thunderdome
"Two men enter, one man leaves."
Well except she's more woman than man, and I'm really more of a man/boy than anything at all, but you get the idea. "Two Transgender entities" didn't match the mood.
Here's the thing, I have to be real careful with my real world relationships. MyUnwife and I didn't pan out, and I'm kind of in "Twice shy" mode. I think dealing with this woman outside of social groups and phone calls would be bad. Lamb doesn't invite wolf over for tea unless she's serving mutton, no matter how sheepish he looks in his wool clothing. And I'm not even sure which one of is lamb or wolf. I'm not sure that matters.
"Are you there."
Man! I hate internal dialogue while I'm on the phone, "Hey."
"Remember that Bible study I told you about?"
Bible study? Trick question? No, she did mention one. She was looking for it…never found it…until now? I'm working. I'm distracted. Right now there's a guy talking in French in my other ear. I don't speak French. They do in Quebec, and that's where the radio station I'm working right now is from. When in Canada, do as the Canooks do. I would, but I still don't speak French. "Oui, les études de la Bible."
"Que?" She says.
"Uh…how you say…Where is the bathroom?" Say I. I say it but don't mean it. I don't have time for that.
She says something else in French. I'm guessing it's "Where's the Bathroom," but it could as easily be "Poke me in the Eye with that toothpick, please."
"Thank you."
"So I found That Bible study I was talking about, want to hear it?"
Not at the moment. Don't get me wrong. One of my sanctioned scheduled outings is a Bible study. I think they're a good thing. But not an on the phone thing. And especially not while Quebecois Radio Man tells me what he does to a lingerie model.
"Oui! Oui!"
"Oui" I say.
"Ok, grab your Bible."
Hold it right there missy! "Uhm, I'm working. I can't really do that right now."
Radio man is quiet. So is my earpiece. Then a voice comes in from out of the bluetooth. It's far less friendly than the previous voice, "Oh, then you're far too busy. Forget the whole thing. I mean it. Everything."
Click.
Uh, ok…I've had dates end like this. Come to think about it, I've had a marriage end this way too. A phone call is nothing. Then again, I have to wonder is that part of the problem? Am I too busy in Rob's world to work with others?
It's probably something I should consider, but right now I've got to work.
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