I won't write about it! You can't make me!
There. How's that for belligerent? It's been a long week. I don't know why, but I still haven't recovered from daylight savings. My mind is clearly in another time zone. So here I sit. Rob body, at the end of my resources at the end of my week and all I want to do is lie on the couch and watch TV. When was the last time I did that? I don't know. I do know I need to clean the house. Then there's this this pesky blog…
Thar she blows….
Ok, it's not that bad, although I'm sure there are some of you out there who wouldn't mind driving a harpoon into the great white beat. I just hope that the blog you're thinking of shanking not me.
Oh dear…
Sometimes I get ahead of myself. I jot down ideas so that when I am out of ideas, there's something to write about. Good thing too, cuz the little switch on the wall of my brain is off and nobody's home. The problem is I don't like the topic. I mean it's a good idea, it's just not something I want to write about.
What about Gumby? Would you like to know about him? Bet you didn't know that he once was a little green slab of clay. What about his pony pal Pokey?
Sigh…Fine, but don't say I didn't warn you.
"Sucky blog off starboard bow captain!"
"Bring us around, we'll catch her unawares!"
Nobody's more "unawares" of what's going on in my blog than me. I read an article earlier this week, it was about divorce. Yeah, I know, a divorce. I was as shocked as anybody. I really need to find a good drinking rum on a beach blog. That wasn't what I read though. I read one that said that just because the marriage is over doesn't mean the relationship is over.
Aw man! Where's my harpoon and storm slicks? There's Noreaster a brewiin'.
It went on to say that this "relationship" will continue until somebody dies. Do I get to choose who? What the hell is that? I'm gonna have schools of MyUnwife feeding off my brain for years to come? Now you see why I didn't want to write about it. I swear this is not what I meant by "till death do us part."
Yeah, the article was a sociological report, but focused on one woman. Since I don't have permission and am too lazy to cite, we'll call her Pokey. Pokey read the newspaper one day and found 
out her ex, Gumby, had died. Pokey felt confused because she didn’t know how to react. She needed to grieve, but Gumby had long since married a Blockhead. Gumby had a new family now. What would they think if Pokey just showed up? Gumby and Pokey hadn't spoken in years.
Gumby walked into too many books.
That didn't stop Pokey from keeping tabs on Gumby. She'd followed Gumby's exploits—both good and bad. She even copied his "further adventures" on DVD. The article explained that this was normal. Almost everybody keeps track of their ex. Whether it's the vindictive hoping for failure, or the forgiving hearts hoping for success. Nobody let's go completely. This does explain the extra click whenever I answer my telephone. Now I don't feel so bad about giving MyUnwife the GPS system for her birthday.
"Sonar says she's right underneath us captain! She'll capsize us for sure!"
I have mixed feelings about the Gumby/Pokey news. I mean on the one hand I'm relieved. Sometimes I feel guilty for still caring. I know it's not some obsessive "I can't let go" care, but shouldn't I be able to just write "The End" and close the book? It's comforting to know that what I feel with this hand is normal. Everybody is touched by their ex on some level.
ON the other hand, it means I'll be divorce blogging for quite some time. You guys are in for a boatload. That's right. Tell 'em Captain Rob says you're gonna need a bigger boat.
"Aww man! Fatty blog-blubber again?"
And what about Pokey? How did her story come out? Well, she went to the funeral. She didn't want to cause any discomfort, but she wanted his Blockhead wife to know she shared her pain. Pokey brought the widow a gardenia and sympathy card. Mrs. GreenSlabOfClay welcomed the former Mrs. GreenSlabOfClay with open arms. She even invited Pokey to sit with her during the memorial ceremony.
"It's okay," the Mrs. Explained, wrapping an arm around the sobbing Pokey, "I understand. Gumby was a good man, and if you have a heart, then Gumby's a part of you."
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