You don't know what it's like…"-Econoline Crush

Justification. A moderately big word that means "just if I can explain-ation." "Ation? It's Greek. Nobody really knows what the hell it means, but if you say it to a German, he'll say

Gesundheit and offer you Gesichtsgewebe. I swear, It's not nearly as gross as it sounds.

Neither is justification. We all do it; you justify reading my blog.

I just keep hoping he'll be funny...

It's ok. Justification, Gesundheit, it's all the same; just wipe it on your sleeve and move on.

I justify things daily. My life is a Twister mat of justification. For those of you too young for Twister, that's Dance Dance Revolution without the video game. one mat, one spinner, countless morons shaped like pretzels. Unless of course it's Date Twister. Then there's no moron, just a naked couple with an embarrassed glow and a big smile justifying the Cubist human tower to the EMT.

"How..?"

"She's a gymnast."

"Hi!"

"Ohhhh…uhm sir, what's that on the center green dot?"

"Nevermind…"

That's justification.

The reason I bring this up is that I'm busy strapping myself down with the justification chain right now. As a matter of fact, If you could hold that end for a moment while I wrap myself up tighter... Great thanks. Uhm, leave the wallet on the desk. No, I'm telling you, don't bother. Trust me, there's nothing there.

Ok, back to the justification. See, when MyEx left, I was left with my little cubbie spaces of free time. Like any good clutter rat, I quickly filled those spaces with stuff. In my case: work.

That's great, except all work and no play make Rob a…well, they make him a Blogger. Yeah, my mom was horrified too. Dad's sent me a few brochures from a gigolo school hoping I'll make something more of my life. I'm not sure I'm ready to be Richard Gere, but I do agree I need to step away from the keyboard every once and a while. I hate that my parents have to hide in the back of church.

"There go the Boyds. Did you hear? Their son's a blogger."

"Oh, those poor people…"

That's where I begin justifying baby steps. Maybe swap my keyboard for a game controller. It's a great idea--even better if my PS2 wasn't broken. I have other systems, but nobody makes games for the Atari 2600, the TurboGrafix or the Super Nintendo any more. Well they don't make games for the PS2 either, but at least with that I could pretend to be cool while playing Grand Theft Auto. It's all about justification while you're car's bouncing to the radio beat atop sidewalk pedestrians.

The next link in my justification chain is fashioned from vanity. I try to get in a little exercise because I work at home. I run, I work out, I sit on my butt. I do item three much more than one and two, which is a shame, it burns fewer calories. Still one and two require thought and time. Item three can be done anytime by anyone.

That's what brought me to the next link. I was exorcising my mind, watching TV and I saw this ad for a product called the Wii Fit. Yeah! A work out video game! How cool is that?

At first I left that link on the floor for somebody else to pick up. It was expensive, and out of stock everywhere. The problem is, "out of stock" is Aramaic for "must have." Just ask the Iphone salesman from last year.

"Can I help you sir?"

"Yeah, I want this."

"Ok."

Yeah, there's one born every minute, and it looks like my parents got a winner.

When I was 5, I wanted the Fisher Price castle. I saw it in a magazine ad, and I was in love. It had a dungeon, a trap door, a secret passage, and a dragon. What more could a five year old kid want? I showed my parents, and said "I want."

Now what I don't want, is to paint the picture of a spoiled child. I wasn't. I wanted to be, but I got bad parents who couldn't spoil me to save their lives. Trust me, I tried, no use. Timmy down the block? His parents spoiled him like chunky milk. Me? I think the stork tripped over the chimney and dropped me down at the wrong house. This family actually believed in "Values." Yeah whatever, lets go back to "I want."

I knew there was a chance I wouldn't get the castle, so I spent a lot of time with the magazine staring at the picture and playing with that. The blond kid holding the Knight? That was me without my glasses. If I took mine off, I could see the similarity. Day after day I played with my picture. Yeah, I know, these techniques would carry into my teenage Playboy years…

Anyway, To make a short story long, I got the castle. And today, I'm getting a Wii Fit. After countless hours of imagining me exercising, I can now make it a reality. It's cool too because now I can be a yoga expert too! I've always dreamed of that! You didn't know? Yeah, ever since I saw the cartoon bear with "pic-a-nic" baskets I said, "that's me!"

This yoga looks a little different, and to be honest, the moves scare me a little. I have no dexterity, and balancing maneuvers on a little board seem daunting. Still, in my head I'm a master.

We'll see when the UPS guy delivers the board. I could require an EMT before my justification chain is complete.

"Rampart, I've got a wee man with a Wii injury. Yeah, it looks like he was attempting a ruptured stork, and now he's a concussive klutzy cow."

"Roger that Squad 51. Start him on a lube-down, Ringer's lactate solution IV stat."

"Roger that Rampart."

That's right, Nintendo wasn't happy just injuring our thumb, they won't be happy until we've justified our whole bodies to their sadistic needs. I think they sell that game too.

Soul Reaper 3: The Wii Years!

So yeah, I jumped through all the flaming hoops and made it to the next level of exercise. I now have a Wii Fit.

Tomorrow I'll justify buying a Wii to hook it up to.