So where was I? I was talking about divorce and Christmas that wasn't, wasn't I? It's pretty bad when a blogger has to carry a conversation on from one blog to the next. That's like talking to yourself and going "Hey, I've got some things to do, can I get back to you about this later?" Then again, yeah, I do that…
I read somebody else's blog the other day—Yeah, I may be self indulgent but I do realize I'm not the only planet in the solar system; I like to view the lesser planets from time to time. It helps my sun revolve around me. So anyway, this other blog...They were talking about Christmas traditions during a divorce. The blogger wanted to know what new traditions people were raising, and which one's they were tossing like ballast bags from a falling balloon.
She gave examples. Bloggers like examples. They're like word images for people who like to write word images. She mentioned things like driving around looking at lights, buying special ornaments for each year, and all those really cool things that I used to do at Christmas. Great! Now MyUnwife has hired a saboteur blogger to kill Christmas! She's grinched MY Christmas onto her sled of malcontent pulled by a team of Furbies. WTF? Thanks oh friendly holiday blogger for that swipe with the cheese grater! Do you have some lemon and salt for my wound too? No? Just splash it with eggnog and whip me with garland then.
I left a comment on her page saying as much. Ok, it was a kinder gentler post saying "I did all these things, but MyUnwife stole them." The blogger replied to me! Normally we bloggers only write because we like our own voice, and yet she listed to mine. Wow! It must be as pleasing as I thought it was! She said that I should still do the things I enjoyed. Make them my own again. How crazy is that? She even said I should make new traditions, like setting up a tree in my yard for the neighbors, and have them come by and decorate it. Like Christmas is a time for giving or something. Yeah, whatever. She also said something about caroling. I stopped there. The last time I caroled, I was arrested for "felonious assault." Never again. My voice is now registered with the police as a lethal weapon.
Still her challenge had merit. Why should I just let Christmas go without so much as a bang or a whimper? I like me! I need to make sure other people like me too! I need to do something that says "Rob is a great and benevolent guy," in a humble and subtle way. I'm still not putting up a tree, The six foot memory knife is a little much for me to handle this year. Baby steps. I'd put the lights on the house, but there's nobody to hold my ladder. I know, you're saying "Why not have a neighbor do it?" That's because you don't live in California. We don't have neighbors like that. Where your neighbors would call 911 if you fell off a ladder, my neighbors would call "Dibs!" It's a cultural thing.
Still, maybe I'll decorate something. I could string lights from a palm tree, or a cactus in my yard. Maybe dangle ornaments from the tines. Sort of a yard self portrait. Sure! I could even buy a new ornament to represent the year. I think I could get a hunk of coal real cheap. OK, fine! I'll look for something brighter. I'll consider it, how's that? You happy now?
Somebody send in the Cindy Lou Who waif, I feel my heart growing three sizes this day. Here's a start. I've set up a Christmas card net to pull in all the cards I get:
Some of you may not be able to see this, if not go here. My little gift to everyone.
Bah humbug to all and to all a good night.
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