I'm pondering an animal. Fowl or pig? That's my big decision today. If I can work through this I think I've got the day handled. Fowl or pig? That's my Christmas dinner. I still have the second Cornish game hen in the freezer (they're packaged in pairs, my Thanksgiving entrée hated to travel alone.), but I'd rather have ham.
What do I do? Go cheap, or spend ill-gotten booty on honey glazed pig? Ok, I don't have any "ill-gotten booty" that makes me sound like I'm some kind of pirate. Dread Pirate Rob, captain of the Stuffed Squab. Ok, now that just sounds like gay porn. Let's go back to my dinner plans; we'll drop the pirate thing until I can work the kink out--make it good wholesome Christmas fun.
Besides, I'm divorcing. I don't even want to hint at buried treasure until this is done—not even in jest. If you're MyUnwife and reading this, know that I've hooked the computer to the exer-cycle. I can no longer pay the electricity, so I'm pedaling for power. The good news is that Tony Little dropped by. He want's to talk about an DVD deal. You can do it!
Oh, I probably shouldn't have mentioned that either... See? Everything's a big front in divorce. It's hard too. The person I used to tell everything to is the person I can say nothing to now.
Me: Hey guess what?
MyUnwife: What?
Me: I just-are you recording this?
MyUnwife: Uh..no why? What did you just do? Speak loudly into the receiver please.
Me: I don't believe you.
MyUnwife: You never trusted me!
Me: You're recording this.
MyUnwife: No…I hired a stenographer.
Click.
I'm always on guard, even if it's stupid. I'm worried she'll hear about my fowl/pig debate and take pride that I'm eating alone. "I made him do that!" Well I'm not giving her full credit, but I will admit her fingers were all over the decision That's ok. I know she drives down the road, happy, until some song plays on the radio reminding her of me. I'm the music guy, I know it happens. I don't know what song, let that be her little secret, but I'm there. She can't help it. Little Rob sailing through the speakers. I'm there, and I'm boarding her car. Avast! Insert evil pirate laugh here.
It's a shame what divorce does to us, as individuals and as couples. Even the "friendly divorce" can become a little antagonistic. Then again I suppose if it were too friendly it wouldn't be a divorce, it would be a party. Speaking of divorce, I need to plan my Christmas dinner.
Dread Pirate Rob, party of one, your table's ready...
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