What's black and white and red all over?
A man-eating penguin.
I know, it's kinda stupid, but my other choice was "A seal-clubbing penguin." I decided to only offend one species. I'm a philanthropist and man-eating penguins seemed the safest to offend. I can outrun them so long as I don't look into their hypnotic metronome waddle.
There's a penguin coming!
I know, isn't he cute?
Well except for the electric carving knife and the bottle of Tabasco, sure.
You're just not open other cultures…
That was 5 seconds from Rob's mental theatre. The Penguins of the Apocalypse: Flightless wings of destiny. The acting isn't great, but the writing is topical and amazing!
Speaking of topical. Do you know what I found in my paper today? There in black and white, most stories I read dealt with the fires all over. We're still talking about them, but it's obvious we're straining to find new relationship ties.
Why did some homes burn and others didn't? New proof that angels drew straws!
Denzel Washington films Man on Fire, and years later a house burns down.
Burning Barbie sets neighborhood on fire. With her Nylon locks ablaze, screaming 12" posable doll shambles down block leaving ignited doorsteps in her wake. Fuming Butane-Ken has no comment.
Next week the articles will read of eerie foreshadowing: "Blue Oyster Cult penned the song "Burning For You." Coincidence? We think not. Why else would they worship blue oysters if not searching for divination? Nero fiddled, these cult boys rocked, LA burned. What else will the fortune tellers of our era uncover? Should we fear Godzilla? Should we not fear the reaper?" Only time will tell. Oh, sorry that was Asia. Yeah, I know bad joke. Again, I'm sorry.
But that’s kind of how my life is. No, not a bad joke, that's another entry. But three months after she left It's finding obscure things to relate to our divorce. Friends is on TV. She liked Friends. What does that mean? The toilet seat is always up; she always forgot to do that!
Everything is measured against the bar of "was" Is it because I don't know how to grasp "is" without comparing it to something old? Am I over-analytical? Do I ask too many questions? She thought I did. See? There it is again. I'm ok with the divorce, I've made my peace, but why do I continue to sift through the ash? What am I looking for? Answers? Even my dog knows they aren't there. He's just accepted I'll be his waiter this evening, and wags his tail accordingly.
Ben Franklin said that one move equaled one fire. Left-eye Lisa proved that moving on equaled one house fire too. Me, I just want out of here with all my limbs intact.
Time heals all wounds but what gets rid of the phantom twitch of amputated limbs? Does it ever go away? I don't want burden my future wife with shell shock from a previous relationship.
He just woke up screaming her name over and over.
What did you do?
I held the pillow over his face until he stopped.
Problem solved. Maybe time will kill the constant divorce association, maybe it'll be the love for somebody else. The desire to not burden her with my past mistakes. The desire to keep her from gritting her teeth at the mere mention of MyUnwife's name. Heck, whoever my future brings, I'm sure she'd like MyUnwife. Ok, not really, but without me, I think she would. Maybe after everything is finalized I should ask MyUnwife to introduce me to her friends. I loved her, therefore I should like people she likes. I could even give her the gore about our dates, and her friend's need to call me "daddy" during sex. I think MyUnwife would like that.
"Yeah, you know that thing you didn't like? She's into it! It's so cool. I like how she writhe—Hey where did the bloody penguin come from?"
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