I'm reading the D360 page. I try checking in, it's what I do. I like seeing if anybody is carrying the "I love Rob" torch. Once again, I am disappointed, but I notice something else. Three entries on the same page contained the same word: "God."
I'm game, I click to check them out. I've seen a lot of justified faith posts lately so this can't be too bad, right?
Right.
So I didn't agree with much that I read. Everybody begged for comments, but made sure that I knew that only kinder gentler teddy bear snuggle posts were welcome. You know, "You're wrong, but lets hug." Granted it's more tempting than last time I tried this and took what was behind door number one:
"You’ve just won a divorce! Congratulations."
Since then, I've been a little less "kinder-gentler" Rob. But still, I didn't want to take their space without bearing teddies, so I thought I'd stand my ground in my own underwear and grouse on my own turf.
Right now there's a mouse click chorus as most of you fumble for the back arrow. That's cool. I can play mime zealot.
"..!"
"Scurry! Flee! He's yammering about religion."
Yeah, sort of. I'm talking about faith, and I'm talking about divorce. I know those who've already turned the page won't understand what I'm going to say. It's fine, I'll still pray for them. Not because I'm better, but because I suck, and I appreciate the need for prayer. I think the nicest thing anybody said for me was when they said, "I'll pray for you." I need that. I know what it's like to be my own compass, turning randomly like a board game movement spinner--each movement an arbitrary advance, without meaning.
I read in one of the posts where a woman lamented a family friend who "gave up" her life by staying in a marriage to please an arbitrary God. I had multiple reactions. Most of those looked like I'd eaten a raw lemon and then rinsed my mouth with battery acid. (What? Some people keep a glass sitting around…) Now I didn't know the family friend, but, if the woman's assessment is true, I pray that I could have shown that kind of faith.
See, the Christian God is not a God of whim. He doesn't sit on a cloud with a people remote spilling crumbs of boon and bane like Doritos bits from a bag. That's Zeus. He also liked Funyuns, and waged wars over Good & Plenty. Our God is real. He's personal. He's with us, and he cares.
Right now he's spit his Mountain Dew all over my monitor.
"That isn't what you were going to blog about."
"I know, you inspired me."
"I need to stop doing that."
Yeah, he's as excited as you are. See, I'm not nearly as poetic as the Biblical writers, I don't have my scripture down, and I don't know how to relate to most people. I guess that's why I wish I had the kind of faith to make a sacrifice of love.
In our world, too many people walk away from marriage too quickly. "I don't feel it." Love is based on more than the "feel." I guess as a Christian that's what draws me. God doesn't love me because of what he feels, which is good, cuz I'm about as unworthy as they get. His Rob-feel-o-meter usually hovers in the red.
Still, I'm saved. I belong to the Church, and it's no mistake that the Church is alluded to as the "bride of Christ." We offer our best as a sacrifice, as a bride would do for a good husband who promises to protect and provide for her. I tell you as a husband, I could never live up to God.
I tried, but I failed. That's the guilt all Christian's carry, even those who manage to hold their marriage together. Thank God we're forgiven.
That doesn't mean we should run out and sin gleefully in the yellow snow. Quite the contrary, we're called to zip it up and be the best husbands and wives we can be--as a thank offering--as a way of honoring the standard set before us by Christ, and saying, "I do."
So It's no wonder Christians look at divorce with such disdain. There are only a few really good reasons for divorce, adultery, and abuse are the most obvious. And yet these are crimes we commit against God daily. How do we justify it?
No, really! I'd love an answer to that. My marriage didn't die on either of these premises, so I struggle with the burden of my failure once again, and yet it is my cross to bear.
That's why I so rarely say "Leave the bastard!" to anyone seeking help. I'd love to see things work out. I pray that God ease everybody's heart, and show them the way. I believe marriage is his gift; it's our sin that tears it apart. I believe that with God's help some couples can draw back together and find the love they've turned away from. And if that means living a long life fighting for that, then so be it. I assure the woman who wrote, I know that God holds your family friend dear, for she is a treasure indeed.
So what about those of us sitting on the steps like a lonely Saturday morning cartoon bill (just a bill..)? What about those of us who couldn't hold our marriage together no matter what law we tried to uphold? The Bible says that God care's about every hair on our head, and that Jesus is the shepherd who left the 99 to search for the one lost sheep. We are the one. We are fallen, we are dirty, we are scuffed, but we are his. He loves us and he'll bring us back to where we are meant to be.
Our marriages didn't turn out as we planned, but he's forgiven us for things we've done to bring us here. It's time to pick up, brush ourselves off, and get back to doing his will. For he is not the Arbitrary cloud God, he has plans for us. Good plans, and it's time we lived them. Right now his plan for me includes cleaning the Mountain Dew off my monitor. God's peace to you and your family my friends.
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