The road of life is paved with Rob entrails. Well, I'm more the gum holding the paving together, but you get the idea. The sticky thing under your foot? That's me. Say hi.
It's true! It's not self pity, it's just one of those things I realize resting amidst the cobble stones. I put so much effort into things that may be good, but are they worth the effort? I don't know.
It's like no matter what I do, every step is a mini adventure. Anybody who's been married can attest to that. It sure would be nice to see that as an example where I'm wrong about the paving thing. It's not though. It's just something else to wipe off your shoe.
Another example is my latest video blog. Yeah, it's done now. I swear that thing took so long to make, you'd think I was refilming the Lord of The Rings. I'm not, no worries. This one clocks in at about 3 minutes and there's no awkward hobbit glances to make you uncomfortable.
I've been trying to do it since Friday, and every time I start it, something gets in the way. Last night I spent 45 minutes trying to buy Mentos. Yeah. You won't see them so don't worry about it. It was a scene that got clipped, but only after I'd filmed it. A great idea in my head that just didn't run. Now I know how Axel Rose feels. Like we believe Chinese Democracy will ever see the light of day. I think that's a sign of the apocalypse:
"…And behold there was a gangly red-haired tatooed white boy…."
No need to worry. It'll never happen. Still, Axel has seen the topside of life's road. I'm still amidst the cracks.
Is there like a Mentos embargo I was unaware of? I went to a grocery store, a drug store, and 2 convenience stores. No Mentos, not very convenient. I finally found them at a gas station. A guy traded them for a gallon of gas.
"Here, take my magic beans…"
No, it wasn't that easy. It was weird though. I go into a gas station I feel like I should buy something other than Mentos. So I'm maneuvering around 3 chest high aisles of junk food trying to find the perfect "thing." Chips…gum…condoms…chips...
I feel like I'm buying porn. "yeah, I'd like the toothpaste, the Neosporin, oh, and what the hell, give me that Playboy, third to the left, second row."
About my third lap, the little girl at the counter starts looking nervous:
"Can I help you?"
"No, I'm just looking." I smell her paranoia. I've worked fast food, I know the quiver in her voice. She's wondering if I'm going to rob her. I set her mind at ease, and grab a second thing of Mentos, "There I've got it."
Now she smiles as I approach the counter. I've given her the signal she needs. My words translate in cashier as, "I'm not robbing you, I'm just stoned." She accepts that with a "Have a nice day" and I'm on my way.
See I speak her language. That's the one thing about being me. I may not aspire to more than cobble-ook, but I do know about people. I take notes as they pass and smile when they stop and tie their shoe. Maybe offer suggestions:
"Chase the bunny through the hole…"
It's what I do. And yeah, it's not glamorous, but it's always an adventure. Now I have to go see about my flat tire adventure.
0 comments:
Post a Comment