Today's password is "Century Plant." I dunno. I just always wanted to say that. Actually I was thinking about century plants. They get their name because they flower so infrequently. "Century" is a bit of an exaggeration, but I'm not one to blame anybody for a little exaggeration.
Somebody emailed me today and asked about the "Good things about divorce." So I sat and thought about it. I finished my coffee, detailed my car, completed today's crossword, and did all the things I try to complete from my "once a century" list. When I was done vacuuming out the bathroom fan, I still didn't have an answer to the divorce question.
The good things? I think you're asking the wrong half of this divorce. Me, I don't believe in divorce. Not as in "I don't believe in Aliens." That's kind of stupid. I can go to Universal City Walk and say "ooh! Look! There's a divorce." Can I do that with alie-yeah fine, so they both exist. That's not really my point.
"I don't believe" means "I don't support the process." Then again, according to a current study, divorced families cost the American tax payers about $49 billion a year, I guess, as a taxpayer, I do support it. What the hell? Have I been a divorce advocate all along?
How can I become a conscientious objector? I can't move to Canada. They support divorce too. The Philippines don't support divorce, but the don't support Best Buy and Circuit City either. I can't go there in good conscience.
Maybe the e-mailer is right. I need to find some good things about divorce. That way I can justify my policy of abstinence even though I've already participated. Maybe, by finding a silver lining, I can re-virginize my divorced self. I live close enough to LA, I think I stand a chance.
Speaking of LA, I should be happy I'm divorced. I can't participate in any of the bachelor reality shows. Although I think I can thank my genes for that.
"Ok, the short overweight guy in glasses? Yeah you, we don't think we can use you this season. Come back in Fall, we'll be working with a monk fish and a platypus. We'll fit you in then."
"Oh boy!"
I saw, in the newspaper, Ryan Seacrest will be doing a bachelor show next season. His twist? Two bachelors competing over different women! Wasn't that a Dobbie Gillis episode, or is it just a game show twist on the 70's movie Little Foxes? 
I think that's part of my problem. I hold marriage in too high esteem. I put it on a pedestal and P-Touch label it "Gift from God." That's not the culture we live in. In today's society it's as much a game as Life, or Careers. Call Parker Bros. up, I'm gonna show them where to put the die.
I don't want to sound old, but what is the deal? When I was a kid, my dad told me that a car was the most expensive thing I would own that would depreciate over time. Most everything else would appreciate. I look at the thousands of dollars spent on weddings today, only to watch couples drive out of divorce court before the new car smell is gone.
Now I know that we can overcompensate the wedding process. We come from a history that idolized marriage but forgets to asterisk the part that says, "make sure you like your troll, because the troll you marry is the troll you keep." You can't spin them in your hands to watch their hair stand out, and you can't trade them with friends, both actions will get you in trouble.
I think that may be the good thing about divorce: It taught me that marriage, like all other beautiful living things, needs nurturing. It's much closer to century plant than plastic troll.
In the same way that death reminds us of life, divorce shows us marriage. No, I don't want MyUnwife dead. I wish her the best. MyWife, the woman I married is dead, and I'll always remember her. MyUnwife is like her sister. She's not the same, but she shares a lot of the same memories, We both grieve for the people we lost.
That's marriage: It's hearty, but don't abuse or ignore it. I'm not trying to relive my marriage, or bury it in the manure of regret. The last thing I want to do is smell like Cinderella's, "Don't know what you got…" That just stinks. I knew what I had. So did MyUnwife. It's not about knowing and wanting it back, it's about looking from a distance with respect and reverence. It's about seeing the beauty of the bloom that comes once a century. If there's a good side to divorce, that's it.
4 comments:
Wow. I'd say I'm speechless but of course I'm not. I had to go to a chorus concert for my daughter with my ex today. At first it was kind of tough. I thought about the things that could have been and wished we were back where we were. Then I realized where we were exactly and decided to just take the pleasant times as they came. I don't want to go back to the fairytale I thought I would have but I think I can look back at what good there was and remember it fondly. I'm still mourning our loss and hoping to find peace with it. I have to have faith that it will come. As long as I can keep the memories just that, memories. We'll all move on just fine. Thanks for this blog. I needed it.
oh, and I liked my troll. For what reasons, I'm not quite sure. I still like him, again, I don't know why. We have a history is all I can say. A lot of it not so great, but some of it was good. The farther you get from the bad, the more you remember the good. It's like going through it all twice. Trying to figure out where you put everything in your heart and your mind is the tricky part.
Okay, Rob, I'm sorry. I know this is your blog. I may start my own someday but it's more fun butting into your! ;)
Feel free to vent/post/write on the walls. This is a public friendly blog, just wash your hands when your done. ;)
I'm glad the blog reached you. I hope that it helps your troll issues. Remember any time you need him, look under a bridge. That's where they hang out.
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